-11/18/08-
I'm in Nashville now for another day, before I head out on the road again. My welcome here, as well as in Asheville, where I just came from has been very warm. Thank you to those of you who deserve thanks for that.
Tonight I stopped by an artist showcase at 12th and Porter, in downtown Nashville. I'd been a while back for a more intense show, but this one had a different feel. They'd cleaned up a bit since the last time I came by, new rock-n-roll art on the walls and white linen covered tables and sprinkled all around the room where older guys drinking wine, dressed too nice to just be going out on the town for leisure. (I’d not noticed this before, cause I'm not a local. But as I was told, those are sure signs of the record executive.) There's been apparently a "buzz" about a new girl in town. And they were there to stake it out. And as it turns out we were also there to "stake it out", there's a possibility a friend of mine could start drumming for her, so we went to see if it's something he'd be interested in.
The air was tense; everyone wanted to impress, to exude confidence. And as a performer myself, it was funny to see so many people examining a musician, and not there because they genuinely like her music, although it wasn't bad, that's not the point. The point is, in fact, money. Can I make this person "big" enough to make a substantial profit? Is it worth the time and resources? Is it marketable? The point was never music. It was a business meeting under the guise of a concert.
I'd say rather shortly this girl will be made a star. You'll probably hear her new album and tell your friends about how good it is, maybe buy it, maybe download it. And behind the scenes the same processes will be going on and on, searching for the new next big thing, and the next and the next.
-10/03/08-
We can’t plan our lives out… I went into this summer thinking for sure I was going to leave California at the end of the summer, pack up my gear and move on up to Chicago. I’ve since decided to stay here and jump into the LA music scene, this fall I’m recording a new cd , which I’m calling Break me down: acoustic sessions, and I’ll be touring across the US. This is such a hopeful time for me, such a welcomed change, a blessing.
-06/04/08-
It seems a main topic of our conversations this week, Scott and I’s, has been, “how do we improve and what is that quality that defines great performers”, We never quite figured out what it was, but over the length of our tour we’ve improved noticeably as performers, as musicians. It could be confidence, it could be a number of things.
Monday we played a showcase night at a pub in Santa Monica. Before I went on, at around 1am, being the last to play that night. Scott said, “You own the stage, this is yours” and after my first song a guy named Val, who I met after the show, yelled with emphasis,” Show us your soul”. And for the rest of the night, that’s what I did.
If I don’t ‘show my soul’ what good is this? It is unnoticeable, and worthless in many of the ways that truly matter.
My older cousin started doing music before anyone else in my family. He told me one night, and it’s stuck with me, that the stage lights will expose everything about you. And after 5 years of this I can say that statement is utterly true.
Maybe the indefinable quality is something in the soul of the performer that the fan appreciates. For some those appreciated qualities are also admirable ones; truth, peace, integrity, inner happiness, love, justice. And others appreciate the darker qualities of the soul; lust, hate, rage, and the like.
In truth, I possess all those qualities. But my hope is that the light should expose more of the good and that my music and the soul it shows will be a benefit to your soul, to your person, yourself.
-05/31/08-
This deserves to make its way into the journal. This morning at about 6am, Scott and I got up, pack ourselves into an SUV and went down South, about a 45 minute drive. We went surfing. We never stood up, but it was our first time, so I'll cut us both some slack.
-05/27/08-
I‘m in Hollywood right now, staying in my friends apartment about four blocks away from the big movie premier theaters and the hall where the Oscars and Grammys and various other award shows are often held. For those of you that know Hollywood this comes as no surprise, it’s a little dirty, the stars on the sidewalk are nothing special, and most of the area is run down. Panhandlers and street performers dressed in absurd costumes line up in front of these famous landmarks, which in a way,I’d say, have become shrines.
Last night Dan and I took a walk up an unrealistically steep hill, a battlement if you will, away from the ugliness and the show of downtown Hollywood, up to Whitley heights. Quiet mansions, a beautiful view of the hills, ‘The Sign’ and a giant glowing cross, I did not expect to see, perched on the hill closest to the sign.
Yesterday I also saw celebrity tour buses venerating the ‘private’ homes of our stars. And another friend of mine gave me the scoop on the paparazzi; as it relates to her friend, who nanny’s for Gwen and Gavin’s son. It only more proves how star-struck we all, including myself, really are. I don’t have to give their last names and most of us already know who I mean.
From my best guess, I’d say the lustful drive to be close to celebrity comes from our unfulfilled needs, to be loved, to be accepted, and our unquenchable yearning for power. Celebrity promises them to us, and we will gladly worship it in jealousy, if by fate or luck it could be ours one day, and we it’s and us the dream of the common man. But we are not meant to be worshiped, those are my thoughts.
-05/03/08-
Last night I sat listening to "Bill", I would give his full name, but it escapes me, he's been playing music for 75 years he said,'But I can't play fiddle anymore, cause my hands...' I played a little too, but could not, neither did I wish to really compete. If you can humbly claim to have been humbled, then that was my experience. Why would anyone come to see me play, when Bill is obviously better? Except for one thing he kept repeating,'You see, when I was first starting, I'd see someone and want to give up, then I'd see someone and think, well I'm better than they are, but I've never seen anyone perfect.'
But after 75 years, no one can play fiddle anymore, all our simple perfections fade.
I'm in between shows now, 19 days, then California and music and imperfection.
Added 5/05/08- Bill's last name in Lahnam.
-04/23/08-
There is no room in New York City, the club we played at, Laura Gould and I, it was jam packed, in the backroom, fifty or so people, maybe 10 of those standing, in a room about the size of three walk in closets, we played to the most attentive crowd I've ever sat in front of. No real stage, the vibe was that of a sixties poetry lounge. I'd go back again, great times, great people.
-04/19/08-
My body is tired, my voice is fading, today I sang at 50 percent if that. and now I understand more the limits of my strengths, and the strengths of my weaknesses, you can't play a show in TN at 10pm and then play in Grand Rapids at 7pm the next day without getting sick, it's just not possible.
I noticed the dramatic shift from the brown of barren fields to the bright green grass and back again.
Another thing I've cherished on this trip have been the conversations. It could be that my appreciation for this has been built up, through it's absence, in the long drives alone with my corn. But I don't think that's entirely it.
Some people's conversation mean more to you than others, some who's laugh you wait for in anticipation for you know it's sound. Today, a good friend of mine described it as therapy, and I am inclined to agree with her.
After 2500 miles or so I can say, and with a measure of authority in the matter, that those would all be empty miles, a scenic blur and a horrible waste of gas, if not for those waiting kindly to receive me and for the time I sat and watched the sunset in Indiana and the feel of the breeze off lake Michigan.
-04/13/08-
The congregation at the Anglican church this morning seemed to my observations to be a most genuinely grateful mix, and I would say that that same theme has seeped throughout my whole time here. The venues although not packed by any stretch of one’s imagination. Have been filed with the happy faithful, good friends, and those to whom the title of good friends would need only time for it to be placed.
I’m not sure exactly why I’m writing in the style of an English paper. It seems to fit. A lot of thoughtful conversation, and two fun shows, which seem to be side fixtures amongst the greater purposes of life, It’s people, and I am genuinely grateful for their welcoming.
-02/04/08-
Hey guys welcome to my newly developed road journal, I’ll be filling this up with stories, personal struggles and/or victories I’ll encounter during my upcoming tour. Watch for updates.